Caillou Joins One Direction
by Coldsteel Da Hedgeheg
Summary: Caillou joins british world-famous band "One Direction". Things are looking good for the little brat at first, but just how long will it stay that way? See what happens. Disclaimer: I don't know anything. Everything belongs to whoever it belongs to, blah, blah, blah...


One Direction was the favorite band of many, especially young women and teen girls. The boys of 1D had just finished performing in Toronto, it was now finally time to rest up at the hotel they were staying at. First, they had to get past a mob of crazy fangirls, though. The boys jumped into laundry karts, their guards pushed the karts towards a white van -dressed as maids. "Ugh! Would it have killed you guys to have made sure these clothes were clean first?" Naill said as he held a pair shit-stained boxers in his hand, he was the last one to get in. "Sorry," said one of the guards, he then slammed the door in his face.

Naill rubbed his nose to ease the pain of the door slamming on his face, he then turned his attention to his bandmates, they were discussing something. "Alright, guys. Good job out there! We did well today, but..." Harry said as he tried to figure out a way to tell his friends something. "What is it, Harry?" Louis said while placing his hand on one of Styles shoulders. "You can talk to us about anything and you know it!" Liam continued. The other two members nodded their heads in agreement. Everyone gave their attention to Harry, who was about to speak up at last.

"Well, my friends, I just don't think we have sounded the same ever since Zayn left," said Harry. "Yeah, me too!" Liam agreed. The other two members also admitted they felt thesame way. "So... I have been wondering... what if we get a new member to replace him?" Harry finally got off his chest what he so hesitantly tried to suggest. To his surprise, all the other members of the band actually thought it was a good idea.

"Harry, we all know you didn't want to bring that up since Zayn, although no longera member, is still our friend. And we know it would be a bit awkward to go out and replace him... but this something we all agree needs to happen," Louis told Harry, patting him on the back to let him know he shouldn't feel bad for wanting to replace the ex-member of their band, they all felt the same anyway.

"So... who should we choose? Or should we hold auditions of some sort?" Harry asked, trying to find out which steps to take next. "Well, since we are in Canada, why not ask Justin Bieber to fill the vacancy?" Liam suggested. "Nah, he is pretty busy as it is already. Besides, he is always high on drugs," Louis said. "How about any old canadian we see out there?" Naill suggested, but felt like it wouldn't be a good idea. "No way! They are pretty bland people. Besides can you imagine a canadian singing one of our songs? 'It's everything aboot you, you, you, eh! Everything that you do, do, do, eh! Lol" Harry said as he mocked the way a Canadian accent would sound. The rest of the boys laughed at Harry's Canadian impersonation. "How about a french canadian?" Liam proposed. "Hey! That's a great idea. They are somewhat more exciting then those other guys. We are going to preform in Montreal tomorrow anyway," replied Harry. "Then it's settled. Tomorrow we will loo for a new member of our band!" Louis said. The boys then embraced each other in a group hug, on a well thought up idea.

They finally arrived at the hotel. They slept, tomorrow their search for a 5th man would commence tomorrow.

They all woke up at 4:00am and boarded a plane to Montreal, Quebec -arriving at 10:00am on a Saturday. The boys arrived and rented a room with a stage somewhere in downtown Quebec. Thus began the "One Direction 5th member, Zayn replacement, auditions!" Hundreds of French Canadian men of all ages, from all parts of Quebec, lined up to get a chance to prove themselves worthy of such a coveted title.

The first contestant was a tall, well-built, bald man. As he walked up to the stage Liam whispered to Harry "pst! Harry, that's UFC welterweight champion George "Rush" St. Pierre." Harry whispered back "I know. He is french canadian after all, maybe he wast just in the neighborhood and decided to stop by." The welterweight UFC fighter made his way to the center of the stage and introduced himself. "Hi, guys. I'm George St. Pierre. I will be singing.. eh... the... 'What makes you beautiful' song!" Rush said in a thick French Canidian accent. The boys smiled at him and gave him the signal to start .

George St. Pierre began to sing. "You are insecure, don't know what for. You are spinning-" was all he could sing before staring blankly into space. "Hey... what happen? It was 11:00am and now it is 11:30am. My time is being stolen. Uh... I think the aliens... they don't want to leave me alone! They do this everyday, they steal hours off my day!" St. Pierre told the boys in a very concerned tone, he was freaked out. The boys didn't know what the heck he was talking about. After a few more minutes of talking about stolen time and aliens, Harry decided to call in security to take him outside so they can continue the auditions. Once outside, the last thing George remembered was his rant on aliens. The UFC champ completely forgot about being escorted outside by the security guards, he freaked out even further and blamed aliens.

The auditions that followed weren't any better. A few hours and horrible auditions later, Harry snapped. He made a scene in front of everybody. " I have had it! I came here thinking we would be lucky enough to find a fairly talented individual in this damn province, but it turns out I was wrong! I'm out of here!" The frustrated 1-D member yelled angrily. "Whoa, Harry, calm down!" Niall said. "Don't tell me what to do! I'm going for a walk!" Harry furiously exclaimed. Styles then exited the building, slamming the door behind him.

Upset about the band's failed efforts he walked towards Pine Street somewhere in town. He saw a park and thought it would be a good place to calm down. "Hmmm... I think I'll sit on bench over there..." Harry said to himself as he got nearer.

At the park, everyone's favorite, whiny, little, skinhead brat was playing on the slides. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't the only one there. Other kids were playing there . Caillo slid down the slide, he was having fun. Excited to do it again, he went back up. However, three other kids were waiting in line to go in, they barely arrived seconds ago. Caillou saw this and couldn't believe he had to wait, he needed to slide now! This very instant!

"Hey! I was here first!" Caillou shouted as he stomped his right foot to the ground. The other kids turned back, startled at the bald-head's display. "Well, you have to wait your turn. The slide is for everyone, you know," a kid spoke up. "I don't want to! Wah! Wah! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I don't wanna! Leave pooyheads, leave!" Caillou yelled as he punched and kicked the air, laying down on his back.

The other kids just ignored them, but as soon as they slid down, their parents called them over. They didn't want their kids anywhere near that pyscho, so they took their kids to another park.

Meanwhile, a teenage canadian kid was in the park. "I have finally done it! With this pill-sized microphone, anyone can autotune their voice! I'll win the electronics science fair for sure!" The teenager tried his creation, yet it failed... "What?! Why isn't it working? Damn it all! I'm going to change my project . This thing is useless," said the disappointed, young inventor. He then threw it into a trash can and walked away.

Back at the slide, Caillou continued his terrifying tantrum. His screams and yells worsened and worsened. Saying that they sounded like scratches against a chalkboard would be an understatement. This kid's yells sounded as if the gates of hell had been opened up in front of you, exposing you to all of the damned's never-ending screams of pain and terror. All other visitor's near Caillou, had no choice but to evacuate the area, in hopes of sparing their poor eardrums.

It got even worse, as Caillou started running around like a deranged lunatic all throughout the park. Eventually, he bumped into a trash can, knocking it down. "Uh-oh..." remarked Caillou. Before he could think of cleaning up the mess he has made, his tiny attention span focused on the pill-sized microphone some random teen threw away. "Ooh, a milk dud!" Caillou happily cried out. He picked it up, put it into his mouth and swallowed it -thinking it was a chocolate-flavored candy.

Caillou then remembered why he was upset and began to shout and yell once again. Only this time instead of those unearthly sounds he usually emits -that make you want to pull all your hair out of your head, so you'll look like him- a rather pleasant sound came out instead. It sounded good!

He then ran past Harry, who was still sitting on a bench, yelling. The most beautiful, melodic sound Styles has ever heard, filled his ears. Harry suddenly called out to Caillou "Hey, kid!" Caillou stopped crying and turned around to see harry signaling him to go to him. "Huh? What is it, mister?" Caillou asked. "Please, call me Harry. I wanted to tell you that you have that you have the most beautiful, sexiest, ear-pleasing, MAN-voice I have ever heard! How would you like to join a a world-famous band?" Harry asked Caillou. Caillou didn't know what to say, he didn't know what exactly was a boy band. "Hmm... I don't know..." Caillou responded uncertainly. "Oh, come on! You will be able to buy anything you like with the money you'll get!" Harry exclaimed, trying to convince the boy to accept the offer. "Anything?" Caillou asked curiously. "Yes! Anything at all!" Harry assured. " OK! Let's gooooooooo!" Caillou shouted, the autotune strengthened when he stressed the 'o'.

The "Best Song Ever" by One Direction played in the background as we transition to a shopping spree montage.

The boys of One Direction along with Caillou hold hands as they skip into an expensive candy shop. They skip circles around all of the customers who were there at the moment. The customers who they skip around, applaud them and cheer them on, other laugh joyfully. The boys suddenly break apart and take big, empty, trash bags and stuff them to the with candy. Caillou swipes all sorts of chocolate bars, gum drops, taffy, cookies and other goodies off the shelves and into his bag. They then take the items to the cashier.

Inside a 'Toy r Us' the One Directioners each have shopping kart as they race around every aisle. Caillou is riding in Niall's kart. They put in all kinds of balls, stuffed animals, toy cars, toy tools, video games into the karts. Caillou jumps for joy, pulping his fists into the air.

At a Burger King, they order dozens of kid's meals with boy toys. At the drink fountain, Niall, Louis and Harry press all the buttons, making the sodas flow down. Liam scoops Caillou up and holds him while he runs Caillou's head underneath every stream of soda. Caillou has his mouth open the whole time, chugging on coke, sprite, blue powerade, mountain dew, orange fanta, strawberry fanta, mug root beer, lipton ice tea and hic fruit punch in the order he passes under them. Everyone at the fast food joint, including the employees, cheer them on.

The "Best Song Ever" song fades in the background as the shopping spree montage comes to an end.

It is now night time. The whole crew, with Caillou as the new, official 5th member, are now at the hotel they reserved rooms at in downtown Montreal.

"That was the best night ever!" Caillou said as he sits in his bed with his new, silk pijamas on. "And there will be plenty more from now on, now that you are a popstar!" Louis remarked. "Alright, Caillou time to rest up. Tomorrow we have your first concert!" Harry said. They tucked Caillou in and left his room, turning the lights off on the way out.

Caillou, now alone in his room, looked out the window. As the full moon's light shined on his face, and bald head, Caillou thought to himself "I've got it made. Everything is now MY way. Within minutes he drifted quickly to sleep.


End file.
